Last night I was with a lot of other moms and the conversation turned to child birth…naturally! No, not having a baby naturally but the conversation turned…ok, you get it.
As you know I have a baby. He’s 22 months old. I’m not pregnant. The longer I wait the farther apart he and baby #2 are going to be. I was ready to have another one around our son’s first birthday {last July}, but my husband wasn’t ready.
Fast forward a few months {October} and I couldn’t handle the thought of having another baby. My son was teething, my husband was never home, I was completely and utterly overwhelmed! Now it’s March and somehow my desire to get pregnant is even less…and I kind of feel guilty about it.
Should I feel guilty?
Am I being selfish?
What’s wrong with me?
Am I being selfish?
- The epidural. Seriously, like I have complete anxiety over that thing…and don’t say, well then have the baby naturally! Not going to happen folks.
- C-section. Yes I had a c-section. I could try for a VBAC but it’s pretty unlikely that it would be successful anyway…do I really want to go through 21 hours of labor just to have a c-section?
- I really don’t look forward to looking all fat and stuff. I got huge! I gained 10 lbs the last week. Ok, ok, I went a week over and it was all water weight, but still.
- Heartburn. The heartburn was unbearable! If I even turned from one side to the other while sleeping I got heartburn. It sucked! {totally worth it though, my son’s hair is outstanding!}
- No sleep. I didn’t sleep very well while I was pregnant but now I have a son to take care of with no help around. That’s daunting.
- This here blog…it takes a lot of time! Seriously! Sometimes it’s overwhelming, but I love it. The blog, I love the blog…I don’t like feeling overwhelmed.
- Pregnancy brain. I got it bad! I never really did get my brain back…will I loose my mind even more this time around?
- No help. I don’t have any family around. I do have my BFFL {Best Friend For Life} Maria, so that’s great, but she has a toddler too and it’s not like I can or would pawn my child off on her so I could get a few extra winks…or blogs posts done, haha.
- The longer I wait the older my son gets so he will be more of a help when the baby comes {hopefully}…the longer I wait the closer we are to graduating from grad school…
- No sleep. Baby #1 didn’t sleep for the first 8 months, therefore I didn’t sleep. {Freak fool, he’s still a finicky sleeper} If baby #2 doesn’t sleep…ugh, don’t even want to think about it.
So that’s where I’m at…I’m just not ready.
I feel completely out of control and having a newborn adds a whole lot of NO control into one’s life.
Here’s my timetable for the baby’s due date:
- August 2014: My husband graduates and we move, most likely {That wont work}
- July 2014: I need at least 6 weeks to recover from a c-section. Packing a house while recovering? No thanks!
- June 2014: That’s out too. Recovery’s a B.
- May 2014: That looks good
- April 2014: Could work
- March 2014: Maybe…but that’s pushing it
Looks like I have between now and August to figure my life out! …maybe September
Back to my original question:
Should I feel guilty?
Am I being selfish?
What’s wrong with me?
Am I being selfish?
…speaking of never sleeping, there he is fussing in the middle of the night. gotta go…
View Comments
No! It's definitely NOT selfish to think carefully through whether you want or can handle another child! It's a LOT of work both being prego and then caring for a baby. I am glad to know I was not the only one with super difficult pregnancies! Although I'm sorry you dealt with all that...
That said, trust me that when/if you have another baby - while it's hard and is work, it does all "work out" and is totally worth it. So when you feel ready - go for it! :)
I feel like I could have totally written this post myself. I identify with almost every single one of these...My son is only one, but I still can't even fathom the thought of having another one right now. He still doesn't sleep...hardly at all, and with all the health problems both him and I have had this past year, I'm just exhausted! I'm in the whole planning stages of when would be best for our next baby...and it's kind of stressful :)
Thanks Audrey and Maria, you're always there for me :) XO
Hey BFFL! Love the post! And you know you can bring Easton over anytime! Love that little man! Don't worry about him! Everything will work out how it's suppose to. I promise I will be there to help ya through it. Since neither of our husbands will be. oh well!
I completely understand and get it!! You aren't selfish! I'm scared to death to have another one in two weeks! I guess there's pros and cons to every situation! I'll be glad to get it over with and hopefully they'll be best buddies, but it'll be really hard cause he's still so young. If Easton is older it'll be lots easier for sure! Plus, you're husband is still in school. That's tough! You have another one when its best for you!!